A Real Friend for Me

"A  Real Friend is someone you can be alone with and have nothing to do and not be able to think of anything to say and be comfortable in the silence"

Someone asked me today, what is real friendship for me. Well, thinking about my friends over the years, I realize that in the past, where I would just one very close friend that I shared my secrets with and spent all my time with, I never looked to find more friends. For me one friend is enough. But as time passes by, and as I get along with others, I've noticed that some of them became to be my friends. I'm not used to have people around me, actually I used to avoid social scene. I prefer to be alone some time. Well, that's what Cancer in me. Haha!. Then as time went by, and maturity covers me, (well, i'm not sure if i am matured enough! wink*) I came to know that it's good to have more friends, in a different level of friendship. I have shallow and distant friendship. Where you would just hang up with and if there are times that you just want to have a good time. But it's really more different that you have friend where more likely is a kind of friend that you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had! A kind of friend that you can turn to whenever you need companion, even you don't say a word he/she would understand you from your silence.

Well, now It's a mix of both, I do have those close friends whom I trusted so much and shared lots of things about me and also I do have friends whom I only socialize with. But I love them all! They are all gifts for me, a blessings. Without them I couldn't imagine myself. Living alone in my own world, (not so bad.)

 I don't think I answered the question "what is real friendship for me". In my own opinion, is one who will be there in your most hard time, the one who tries to be there for you whenever you need them, and if they were unable to, they would tell you and they would explain the reason at least you know that they tried. The one who will not push you to do the things you don't want to, or to answer a question you don't want to answer and they would patiently wait you until you are ready enough. And someone who doesn't talk behind your back.

My Past (Is there Something)

Every time na naririnig ko yung song ni Christopher Cross na "Is there Something" hindi ko maiwasan na hindi maalala yung past ko sa kanya. I don't know pero nalulungkot ako kasi hindi naging successful yung naging relation naming dalawa noong kami pa. I still remember when I asked him...

"May problem po ba?" tanong ko..

"Ha? wala. Bakit mo naman naitanong?"

Pagkasabi nya ng salitang yun, tinitigan ko sya sa kanyang mga mata, I want to know if the words he was telling to me was all true, pero hindi ko maramdaman yun. Parang iba..

"Lately I see clouds of sorrow in your eyes

some deep sadness you can never quite disguise

now, I'm scared to ask what it's leading to

but I'm more afraid of not asking you..."

Gusto kong malaman ang totoo, pero natatakot ako. I was so afraid to know all about it. Natatakot ako na baka masaktan ako sa malalaman ko. Minsan magkasama kami and he held my hand, and he sang to me our favorite song. Nakayoko ako nun while I'm listening, hindi ko namalayan na tumulo na pala ang luha ko, naramdaman nya yung luhang pumatak sa mata ko patungo sa kamay nya na nakahawak sa kamay ko. Pagkatapos nun, hinawakan nya yung baba ko para itaas ang mukha ko upang makita nya, then he asked me, "Honey, why are you crying?" nagulat ako, kaya bigla kong pinusan yung luha sa pisngi ko, then I smiled, "Ha? wala, na-touched lang ako sa ginawa mo" Tumingin sya sa akin then pagkatapos nun bigla nya akong niyakap at kiniss sa noo. Mas lalo kong naramdaman ang lungkot nung ginawa nya yun, naisip ko, "bakit ganon? kasama kita ngayon, pero bakit pakiramdam ko napakalayo ng puso mo sa akin, hindi ko maramdaman.." pero ang mga iyon ay nasabi ko na lamang sa aking sarili. Hindi ko magawang sabihin sa kanya ng harapan dahil natatakot ako sa maaari kong malaman sa isasagot nya.

Alam kong meron ng iba sa puso nya, unti-unti ko ng nararamdaman ang coldness nya sa akin na halos ikamatay ng puso ko. Lungkot na hindi ko malaman kung ano ang dapat kong gawin.

"You've got secrets you've been keeping for too long

and I'm going crazy acting like there's nothing wrong

I can taste the truth every time we kiss

and I can't go on

At least not like this"

"Is there something that you want to tell me?

Is there something that I ought to know?

Are we something that's still worth fighting for

Or should I simply let you go...

Is there something I can do to reach you?

Are we something more than history

Is there something left of You and Me"

Hanggang dumating ang araw na sobrang nagpagunaw ng mundo ko ng sabihin nya sa akin na gusto na muna nya ng "space and time". Tinanong ko sya kung bakit, bakit kelangan nya nun, at ano ba ang dapat kong gawin to make him stay with me. Pero bigo ako na maibalik sya sa buhay ko, dahil sya na mismo mo ang unang bumitaw sa aming pangako sa isa't-isa.

"I don't want to lose you

but what's the use of holding on

I don't really have you

If the feeling is gone...

"Is there something I can do to reach you

Are we something more than history

If there's no way to convince you to stay

and be the way we used to be

Then there's something that I want to tell you

And I want you to believe It's true

We had something that I'll never forget

even If i wanted to

Cause part of me will always be with you..."

At ngayon, alam kong hindi na maibabalik ang kahapon. Isang kahapon na nagdulot ng pait at sakit sa aking damdamin. At ngayon natuto na ako kung paano makabalik sa dati na hindi na sya parte ng buhay ko. Salamat sa isang taong nagbigay ng pag-asa at tumulong upang mabura sa aking alala ang aking malungkot na nakaraan. Salamat at dumating ka sa buhay ko.